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Life's a Fuckery

Updated: Nov 15, 2018

By J. B. Cowling...


Life can often be overwhelming, bleak and confusing. In adopting the right approach, you can make your way through hardship and appreciate the beauty too.



Life… If you are reading this, you are experiencing it. Life is beautiful and it’s messed up. When it’s great, we want more, when its bad, we yearn for better times and situations. One thing that remains constant though, is that it’s always changing.


The secret when you are in these situations, even the most horribly confusing and overwhelming ones, is to avoid trying to seek clarity, to understand them at that time. You just need to get your anchors ready.

Over time we experience our share of up’s and down’s and quite often find ourselves in situations of ‘fuckery’.

Fuckery

noun: a situation void of clarity in which there exists both amazingness and crapness, leading the person experiencing it to a place of confusion and overwhelm.

Example of a ‘fuckery': Fred really wants an ice-cream yet is trying to lose weight. Both eating the ice-cream and losing weight are amazing and crap. Because of this, Fred remains in a state of confusion and overwhelm.


Fun right? Often life’s a fuckery. There’s so much amazingness and crapness around. If you look at your life, you will see many examples of this phenomena that genuinely travel deeper than the ice-cream/ gym conflict. This experience can have immense effects on us and our actions. In Fred’s case it could cause him to do silly things, like eat three ice-creams before going to the gym, all whilst still feeling confused. Worse still, in other situations, experiencing this can cause us to shut down and self-destruct.

The secret when you are in these situations, even the most horribly confusing and overwhelming ones, is to avoid trying to seek clarity, to understand them at that time. You just need to get your anchors ready.

Anchors are the things that ground you, that connect you with safety, with the 'now' and help you to cope in hard times. They can be anything from sayings, to songs, to people, to exercises, to breathing techniques. What has helped you through tough times in the past? What brings you to the present moment?

When you are in the middle of these situations, emotions flood through you and if you try to make sense of what is going on, or take significant action, you will often end up wrecked. At these times, you won’t find clarity in the moment. Just find your anchors and hold yourself with kindness. Things will get better, you will gain clarity.

Your anchors represent your resilience, your ability to weather the storm and the strength of them determines your stability in the process. The more you use them, the better you get. You will face rough seas, but in using your anchors, you won’t be blown to wreck.

It’s hard to see where you’re going when you’re in the middle of a storm, but when it clears, the intensity of the situation passes and clarity appears. As you move through time, through experiences, you will find that ‘life’s a fuckery’… but it’s beautiful too.

  • Note ‘fuckery’ and ‘crapness’ don’t appear to be words, however they should.